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the imprecision of memory

Perhaps it’s too soon to say this, but I like that I don’t have a great memory for the pasts’ small specifics.

The downside is that I admire people who seem to carry all of their life experience, in detail, in their heads. I don’t. And I’m not even motivated to try.

Probably making a virtue out of necessity, but, it makes finding little dated doodles like this more fun. I think I remember the circumstances, but they have changed so substantially that, despite my naming this piece boredom, any reasons I may have had to be bored have fallen by the wayside, and, in the best possible sense, my life has no place in it at all for boredom.

 

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behind the scenes

Home is not for relaxing

I don’t do much in the way of kicking back with a beer or a glass of wine. I didn’t grow up doing it, and if I’m home, I’m either completely avoiding everything and everyone by sleeping, or making things in my head that I feel pressure to actual create, or I occasionally binge watch stuff like ‘Scandal’, or ‘Downton Abbey’, or even Amazon’s new show ‘Alpha House’…

Especially as I get older, doing nothing seems like such a waste. When I’m asleep, I’m doing it because I crave a total lack of stimulation for a while, to balance all the people input I get during my regular days at work…

gotta think about changing this cycle, as I know it needs to be a bit less extreme to be really healthy.

I was talking with my colleague the other day about feeling a bit tired, and she asked what I’m doing when I’m not at work. So, I went down the list for last week:

just back from a writer’s retreat, where I caught a cold but had a great time when I was up and running

I was meant to go to another writer’s retreat hours away from Tokyo, but it was cancelled, and so I’m spending time…well, that’s the point, how am I spending the time?

1. watching tutorial videos and surfing the net to figure out a new look and feel for my artist logo, site, etc. I’m grateful for all my bandmates’ help but need something less dour and dark, ’cause I’m the merrier species of cynic. I’m almost there – have to figure out some elements like fonts, but I know what I’m going to shoot next week. Plus I have lyrics to finish and melodies to make…

2. writing and rewriting a script for a family member’s project. need to have the first draft done tonight, so there’s a deadline there.

3. thinking about NaNoWriMo world-building. I’m going to do it this year, so I’m using this week to prepare world and characters. As part of my preparation I’m listening to ‘Heroes and Legends: The Most Influential Characters of Literature by Prof. Thomas a Shippey. It’s a Great Courses course and it’s quite good. Helps me to remember the plot, rather than sinking into characters and forgetting myself. Don’t lose the plot!

4. Trying to get in the things I must do but have been avoiding such as:

studying Japanese

practicing piano

going to the gym

doing personal paperwork and general admin, organizing things at home so I’m ready for work

dealing with prepping food so I can avoid eating junk

I want to see output, getting things out of my head and into the world. Then lather, rinse, repeat.

coda: just realized that girlie stuff, nails and putting glop in my hair and whatnot isn’t even on the list. sigh. ah well. gotta fit that in too…