illustration of Terri behind a imc

I love love love being behind a mic. Seriously. It’s liminal space, a place where I can feel celebrated and be more of my full self. Unfortunately, I’ve been letting my podcast and musical partners down. all 2020 and 2021, and I’m still mired in a combination of shame and disinclination to get started again.

It’s crazy, because I was so proud to get my gear set up, all on my own: my Shure Mic and my Focusrite Scarlett Interface. Now of course, for my pro audio friends, this is like before breakfast – pre baby steps. But I was very proud of myself anyway!

But I do keep writing lyrics, and singing songs, sometimes all in one go while washing dishes or walking under trees. I’m still recording them. So, there’s nothing to stop me from figuring out a beat and singing a polished-up version.

Nothing to stop me, except me.

I’ve been thinking deeply about how I hate taking one creative step. If I don’t get to the destination immediately, my dopey brain says the effort isn’t worth it and I stop myself in my tracks.

One of main reasons is that nothing I make is even close to the thing I have in my mind, and I wallow in the disappointment.

I don’t have a great big pronouncement here like: I’m fed up with myself and not going to let Resistance win anymore!

Because come on, be real: it’ll happen again. In fact, my ever-present Resistance isn’t mine. Here’s one of my most important invisible mentors (meaning he has no idea I exist, and it doesn’t even matter, lol) Steven Pressfield:

So yeah, my dream, which I find hard to articulate, is getting a little bit clearer. And my motivation, while wibbly-wobbly still, is asserting itself more often. That’s why there are multiple posts on this blog. My focus now is to go, and keep going!

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There’s a determined sabatoge-y feeling running grinning savagely under whatever your priorities are. The train to the key meeting is delayed. The communication lines crossed so that your compadre is where you’re supposed to be and you? You are somewhere else entirely. And so the traveling and walking and checking continue.

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#100wordhabit – changing my great starter, bad finisher habits

I may have an opportunity to do something that I didn’t look for, wasn’t expecting, but if it happens it will change my life for the better, I’m not joining an MLM or going on a banana-only diet or anything like that.

Because I’m a great starter and a shitty finisher of personal projects, I’m documenting this process as I go. I’m writing in the framework of David Kadavy’s 100words a day project. It’s money-free, but costs time and attention and I think it will help exercise my writing muscle.

Hey, I got to 90!

So, this is the idea: up, do my ablutions, write my 100 words, research and write my newsletter, plan the art I’ll create for the newsletter, do all the things that are necessary to promote the newsletter, work on my artshop, etc etc. No, I won’t be able to do all of this in a 1 hour block in the morning. Yes, I have to schedule this so I get an hour of Japanese study, plus exercise. No, I’m not sure yet how I’ll do it.

But it’s so much fun to try!

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